the day i st(arted)opped loving her

beginning.

we knew each other before we knew each other. pictures of her and me hung on my bedroom walls. i would sit on the floor drawing houses and buildings, and stare at this girl on the wall. who was this girl and why didn't i remember her. we had history, but i couldn't remember it. so i asked my mom. "thats k, and thats you. you guys played together when you were younger. you were like two then." she was k. i was j. and we knew each other before we knew each other.

first contact.

i was on the ground before i knew i was falling. i stared at my hands for a few seconds, and watched as the blood bubbled a little. "nothing a band-aid can't fix" i said, i've been hurt worse. when i was seven my brother ran me over with his bike. if i could survive that, then i could survive anything.

i looked up and i saw this strange creature. she pointed and laughed at me, but i couldn't get past the purple eyes and the brown skin. she was different, but. she had a look in her eyes that was familiar. she was like a siren, and i was a dumb fisherman drawn into her. until a sharp pain in my kidney gained my attention.

she kicked me and was now running away. moments passed and i just layed there on the pavement. my teacher walked over and immediately began yelling at me. "why did you trip her. you're too big to be playing rough with her. no recess for a week." i was lying on the ground, i was bleeding, and my teacher looked passed all of this to believe a field of lies this purple-eyed creature fed her. "now apologize to k, and i wont send a letter home to your mom."

her name was k. and we had history.

signs of trouble

k missed a few days of class and i volunteered to deliver her. i'd never been to her house before, but i'd walked by it on numerous occasions. it was an ordinary house. with an ordinary fence. and an ordinary dog. i knocked on the door and she opened it. she had bandages on her arms so i asked what happened.

she walked into the kitchen. poured a glass of water. grabbed a knife. and slit her finger. and let the blood drip into the glass of water. "look at it. really look. watch as the blood stains the water. its beautiful." "are you crazy" i asked. "yeah...are you?"

i was. i had to be. i didn't run from her that day. i started running head first into oncoming traffic. that was the day i started loving her.

moment of reprieve

purple flamingos. virginity lost. love letters. boy meets world. the ultimatum. me or him. she became tapanga. i became corey. long nights. short days. the slap. beginning of the end.

the break up

it was quick. we were partners in pre-algebra, like we were partners in every class we took together. she was the one deemed "gifted" by the educational system. every wednesday, her and the rest of the gifted students in the eighth grade would disappear from class and have their own special class meetings. she was gifted, i was not. but when it came to math, she looked to me.

the teacher wasn't there that day. we had a substitute. she was young. she was dumb. and she was too busy chatting on her phone to realize the mistakes she was making. i sat in my desk. k sat next to me. i worked, while she did what she did nest, put the fear of god into the other students, and it was a beautiful thing to watch.

BOOM

was the only sound the paper made as it hit k in the head. i watched as she grabbed the paper, walked over to the boy, punched him in the face, and dared him to do something about it. she walked back to me, wrote on the paper, handed it to me, and walked out of the room. I'M SORRY J, it read. I THOUGHT I COULD CHANGE. I CAN'T. I'M SORRY. ITS OVER.

the room was silent. everyone looked at me. they always did. somewhere in the past three years of knowing her, i became responsible for k. i was expected to keep her in line. i was expected to calm her down. i was expected to apologize for her mistakes. the room was silent. everyone looked at me. they always did. i got up and headed towards towards the nearest exit.

it was over before it ever began.